"Conscious uncoupling" is a neologism used in the 21st century to refer to a relatively amicable breakup or marital divorce. It was popularized by Gwyneth Paltrow in 2014, when she used the phrase to describe her and her husband's then-recent separation.[1]
Background
Sociologist Diane Vaughan proposed an "uncoupling theory" in 1976. Vaughan saw the process where a relationship reaches a crossroads, when both parties realize that "everything went dead inside". It usually is followed by a lengthy phase, during which one of the partners (the "respondent") holds on to the failing relationship, in spite of unconsciously knowing that it is coming to the end.[2]
Vaughan perceived the process of the breakup affecting the initiator and respondent unevenly. While the breakup initiator "has begun mourning the loss of the relationship",[3] the respondent has not. Vaughan suggests that "to make their own transition out of the relationship, partners must redefine initiator and relationship negatively, legitimating the dissolution".[4]
Vaughan proposed that "getting out of a relationship includes a redefinition of self at several levels: in the private thoughts of the individual, between partners, and in the larger social context in which the relationship exists".[5]
Vaughan sees the uncoupling process as finished when "the partners have defined themselves and are defined by others as separate and independent of each other - when being partners is no longer a major source of identity".[5]
Marriage and family therapist Katherine Woodward Thomas has been credited with coining the term in 2009.[6][7]
Usage
Gwyneth Paltrow popularized the terms "conscious uncoupling" to describe her separation from Chris Martin.[1][8]
Criticism
Tracy Schorn commented that the term was being received with “the snark and derision it so rightly deserves.”[6]
References
- ^ a b Louis Degenhardt (2016-04-26), "What is conscious uncoupling?", The Guardian
- ^ Vaughan, Diane (1986). Uncoupling - Turning Points in Intimate Relationships. Oxford University Press. ISBN 978-0-679-73002-6. p. 81 and p. 218n
- ^ Vaughan, p. 60
- ^ Vaughan, p. 154
- ^ a b Vaughan, p. 6
- ^ a b Cherelus, Gina (2023-09-25). "Everyone's Breaking Up, but Nobody's Bitter: What's Going On?". The New York Times. Retrieved 2025-03-09.
- ^ Degenhardt, Louis (2014-03-26). "What is conscious uncoupling?". the Guardian. Retrieved 2025-03-09.
- ^ Elle.com, Natalie Matthews. "What Gwyneth Paltrow's 'Conscious Uncoupling' really means". CNN. Retrieved 28 June 2019.
Further reading
Thomas, Katherine Woodward (2015). Conscious Uncoupling: 5 Steps to Living Happily Even After. Harmony Books. p. 307. ISBN 978-0-553-44699-9.