Previous peer review

Just wanted to improve the article! Broaden some more information and rewrite some of the grammar so it's better. :) Arconning (talk) 14:37, 22 December 2024 (UTC)[reply]

@Arconning: This isn't a review but I have some quick comments. Sorry it took so long for someone to respond. I fixed some minor punctuation issues myself because it would be quicker than typing out things like "please add a comma between these two phrases".

• She and her husband had opened up a CrossFit gym in Baldoyle - should be "have opened up"
• Her first competition after stopping for six years was the 2022 World Weightlifting Championships - "after stopping for six years" in the middle of the sentence sounds a bit awkward to my ears, maybe change it to "Her first competition in six years"?
• Through her brother's contacts, she got into contact - repetitive
• She also trains with coach Beata Jung, the national coach of the Irish team. - remove coach from in front of Jung's name, since it is redundant with "national coach" immediately after. I suggest you also put "national" right after "Irish" - so She also trains with Beata Jung, the coach of the Irish national team is my suggestion for the sentence since "national coach" makes it sound like she's a coach for the entire country of Ireland.
• she then found out about Olympic weightlifting in a gym - sounds awkward but I can't quite figure out why - maybe change "found out" to "discovered"?
• In the lead, the majority of the sentences have the dependent clause in front of the independent clause - maybe reorder them so that it feels less repetitive and easier to read? For example, changing Having narrowly failed to qualify for the 2024 Summer Olympics, she retired in April 2024 to She retired in April 2024 after narrowly failing to qualify for the 2024 Summer Olympics? In my example, you immediately know what the subject of the sentence did and the reason why, which is less important (in my opinion at least), is after. Just my two cents on the matter.

If you have any questions, feel free to leave them here. Hope this helps (brilliant article by the way). Best regards, Grumpylawnchair (talk) 04:37, 11 February 2025 (UTC)[reply]

@Grumpylawnchair Thanks for the compliment! Hopefully I've addressed these, do you have any more comments to add? Arconning (talk) 05:04, 11 February 2025 (UTC)[reply]

@Arconning: I still think that "Irish national team" sounds more natural than "national Irish team", but that's your call. I'll analyze the article's grammar and sourcing deeper tomorrow, when I have more spare time, if that's alright with you. Grumpylawnchair (talk) 05:08, 11 February 2025 (UTC)[reply]

@Grumpylawnchair All good :) Arconning (talk) 05:10, 11 February 2025 (UTC)[reply]

@Grumpylawnchair Just an update, would you have any more comments? Arconning (talk) 10:05, 15 February 2025 (UTC)[reply]

@Arconning: Sorry, I suddenly got very ill with a stomach infection. I'll take a look at it in the next couple of days. Sorry for the delay! Regards, Grumpylawnchair (talk) 15:52, 15 February 2025 (UTC)[reply]

@Arconning: I have no further comments. Your article is really thorough and you should be proud. :) Regards, Grumpylawnchair (talk) 04:39, 18 February 2025 (UTC)[reply]

@Grumpylawnchair Thanks so much! I hope your recovery goes well. :) Arconning (talk) 13:22, 18 February 2025 (UTC)[reply]