Pari Khan Khanum (edit | talk | history | links | watch | logs)

• Featured article candidates/Pari Khan Khanum/archive1

Nominator(s): Amir Ghandi (talk) 07:51, 24 January 2025 (UTC)[reply]

Probably the most famous princess from the Safavid dynasty of Iran, a cunning figure deeply involved in two succession crises, through which she was able to eliminate two of her brothers and was only defeated at the end because of the interference of another powerful politicking lady. Amir Ghandi (talk) 07:51, 24 January 2025 (UTC)[reply]

General

• "However": the word occurs six times in the present text. It is generally an unnecessary word, but where you feel compelled to use it you must use a stronger stop than a comma in "Pari Khan was requested to succeed her brother, however she refused the offer" and "She ordered the officials to remain in Qazvin and wait for Mohammad's arrival, however, Mirza Salman Jaberi, the former grand vizier...". (And "but" would be better as well as shorter.)
  • Reduced the number of However and replaced them with But
• When a word such as "harem" is familiar in English you either don't want the language template at all or should add "italic=no" at the end of the template, and I'd say the same goes for "tomans" as our Wikipedia article on that topic doesn't italicise the word, and it is in the OED unitalicised.
  • Done

Other points

• "wrote five eulogies in her praise" – can one write eulogies that are not in praise?
  • Amended
• "her assistance and favour was coveted" – two nouns but a singular verb.
  • Deleted one verb
• "Mohammad Khodabanda, was blind" – but in the lead you say he was "almost blind" [my italics] – not the same thing.
  • Amended
• "due to his Georgian maternal origin" – the article seems to be in BrE, and although in AmE "due to" is accepted as a compound preposition on a par with "owing to", in BrE it is not universally so regarded. "Owing to" or, better, "because of" is safer.
  • Amended
• "Afterwards, per Pari Khan's request" – the dictum "prefer good English to bad Latin" applies here. A simple "at" instead of the clunky "per" would improve the prose.
  • Replaced with 'at'
• "read a khutba" – I think it would be a kindness to your readers to add an inline explanation of the term (as you do for "takhallus" and "ghazal") rather than obliging them to click away from the present article in search of explanation.
  • Added an explanation
• "Ismail may have also been planning to kill her, evident from a letter" – this sentence doesn't quite work. In the first place, I'm not sure "evident" and "may have been" sit happily together, and in the second, the prose reads oddly: something on the lines of "It appears from a letter sent by Pari Khan to Ismail that he may have also been planning to kill her" might be smoother.
  • Replaced the sentence
• "the influence of Pari Khan, causing them to openly oppose Pari Khan" – infelicitous repetition of the name; I suggest a pronoun the second time.
  • Deleted
• "Pari Khan had an estimated 10,000 to 15,000 tomans" – this seems to me pretty meaningless without some attempt to convey inline how much 10,000 tomans were worth at the time. There are many ways of addressing this sort of point: a comparison with the central government's annual income, for example, or with the typical income of someone of the period, or the cost of building a warship – anything you can reliably use as a comparator.
• "only one poem is proven to be written by her" – if we are in BrE, you want "proved", rather than the American (and Scottish) "proven".
  • Done
• "Tahmasp I considered poetry as an antithesis to his piety" – were there other antitheses? If not, I'd replace the indefinite article with a definite one. And the usual preposition for "antithesis" is "of", rather than "to" (and personally I'd knock out the "as" as well).
  • Done
• "a poet from Kashan who was awarded with the title malek al-sho'ara" – "with" seems superfluous here.
  • Deleted
• "identified by Iranologist Paul E. Losensky" – crashing false title, such as you very sensibly eschew elsewhere.
  • Added the indefinite article to these cases
• " a 'brave martyrdom' ... 'princess of the world and its inhabitants' ... 'the Fatima of the time'." – only single quotation marks?
  • Added two marks
• "The presence of these two women speak of other smaller female influence" – singular noun – presence – but plural verb – speak.
  • Is 'indicate' a better replacement?
    • Not really. "The presence indicate" is no better than "The presence speak of". You need a verb in the singular.
      • Okay, I believe I have amended it now. Amir Ghandi (talk) 10:11, 27 January 2025 (UTC)[reply]

I hope these few comments are of use. Tim riley talk 11:42, 24 January 2025 (UTC)[reply]

After a final rereading I am happy to support the promotion of this article to FA. It is an excellent read, the narrative is clear, the tone is neutral and there are some good illustrations. How comprehensive the article is I, as a layman, cannot say, but I'm willing to take it on trust. Certainly the sources look impressive, up-to-date and varied. Meets all the FA criteria as far as I can see. Tim riley talk 10:42, 27 January 2025 (UTC)[reply]

Image review

• File:Seated princess (Art and History Trust No.92).jpg: PD (very old painting)
• File:Iran, Qazvin, Safavid period - Shah Tahmasp I (1514-1576) Seated in a Landscape - 1917.1078 - Cleveland Museum of Art.tif: PD (CC0 photograph of a very old PD painting)
• File:Shah Ismail II on the throne (cropped).jpg: PD (very old painting)

The sources check out- the images are very old given with the correct information

Reference formatting

• Sources-I'm think you don't need to provide pages here, only in the sfns. Also, Losensky Paul 2018 then 2019(I believe it goes year first, then title, instead of the opposite)

General comments

• "her favoured candidate, Ismail Mirza,": might as well add "her brother" here too, it's added before her other brothers
  • Done
• "Ismail I being succeeded by Tahmasp": "as Tahmasp himself did from Ismail I" or something would be better
  • Done
• Poetry- some more about her poetry would be good, if anything could be found
• Also, some more examples and info about her influence might be good too

That's all from me. I'm leaning support, but will decide after someone does a spot-check. DoctorWhoFan91 (talk) 18:50, 25 January 2025 (UTC)[reply]

Hi DoctorWhoFan91, is this a pass for the image review? Thanks. Gog the Mild (talk) 16:14, 2 March 2025 (UTC)[reply]

Yeah, it passes an image review. Sorry, should have been clearer about that part. DWF91 (talk) 16:19, 2 March 2025 (UTC)[reply]

Hi Amir Ghandi, it is nice to see another of your nominations. My comments:

• In the biblio, link to Rudi Matthee, Sheila Blair, Kioumars Ghereghlou.
• Consider linking to the archive.org URL [1] for the Zanān-i Sukhanvar?
• Capitalize titles consistently per MOS:CT? You have mostly used title case. However, you have used sentence case in Ahmadi 2021, Bijandifar 2005 and Szuppe 2003. Consider converting these to title case?

That's all from me. Cheers Matarisvan (talk) 11:06, 5 February 2025 (UTC)[reply]

• Thanks for all your suggestions, Matarisvan. All of them are done now. Amir Ghandi (talk) 16:48, 5 February 2025 (UTC)[reply]

  @Amir Ghandi, everything looks good now. Happy to support. Cheers Matarisvan (talk) 13:12, 6 February 2025 (UTC)[reply]

Is "Royal Women and Politics in Safavid Iran" a prominent source? "Ghereghlou, Kioumars (2016). "Esmāʿil II". Encyclopædia Iranica, online edition. New York. ISSN 2330-4804. CS1 maint: location missing publisher (link)" has an error message, but I am not sure if it needs to be handled. A diverse set of sources, in terms of formatting, nothing else that jumps out to me. Jo-Jo Eumerus (talk) 09:11, 11 February 2025 (UTC)[reply]

Hello, @Jo-Jo Eumerus; regarding the source in question, I will quote what I wrote in the GA review of this article: "Birjandifar is an expert with a PHD,^[1] whose work has been published by major journals such as Iranian Studies. This thesis itself has been cited by major Safavid experts such as Colin P. Mitchell"

Regarding the second issue, I have amdended it by adding a publication place. Thanks. Amir Ghandi (talk) 15:04, 11 February 2025 (UTC) Amir Ghandi (talk) 15:04, 11 February 2025 (UTC)[reply]

Outta curiosity, why is the "Encyclopædia Iranica" cited twice online and once offline, and every time with different formatting? By which logic have some books Google Books links and others don't? I think I saw Brill or DeGruyter full text links to some of the books, too. Same question about why some sources are cited as entire books and others chapter-wise. Jo-Jo Eumerus (talk) 10:59, 14 February 2025 (UTC)[reply]

@Jo-Jo Eumerus, the inconsistency in Iranica sources came from me copy and pasting them from other articles into here; I've now changed all of them to Iranica Online. I also opted to remove all Google book links. I don't think I have linked any of sources to Brill and DeGruyter, please inform me if it is otherwise. And regarding the last question, some of these books are collected and edited by a person and each chapter has a different author; I opted to cite such sources to their chapters. Amir Ghandi (talk) 16:33, 14 February 2025 (UTC)[reply]

I guess this is OK then. Jo-Jo Eumerus (talk) 16:30, 16 February 2025 (UTC)[reply]

As always, these are suggestions not demands; feel free to refuse with justification.

• A map showing the main centers of Safavid power (Sistan, Qazvin, Shiraz, etc.) would be illuminating, if possible.
  • Done
• "she was well-loved by her father" this seems to understate the body, which states she was his favourite daughter and that he took her advice before even her brothers. Some words to this effect would be useful. You could probably remove "From an early age" as well, as she wasn't influential among the Qizilbash as a child.
  • Done
• "of the prominent leaders of the militant Qizilbash tribes": "of the" duplication, and the body does not verify "militant", i.e. "favouring confrontational or violent methods".
  • How about 'martial' or 'militarian' to indicate that the tribes were part of the Safavid military?
• "Despite her expectations" best to clearly state what the expectations were.
  • Done
• "He died from poisoning in 1577, and Pari Khan may have been the mastermind behind his assassination." could be simply rephrased to "Pari Khan may have been the mastermind behind his assassination in 1577.
  • Done
• "With her endorsement, her elder brother Mohammad Khodabanda was chosen as Ismail's successor. Mohammad was almost blind, and this fact made him a suitable choice for Pari Khan." a bit clunky; the sentences could be combined to merge the phrases on "endorsement" and "suitable choice". Also, it is not nearly as clear-cut in the body that he was a suitable choice for Pari Khan
  • Done
• "influential wife" is not really supported by the body; Khayr al-Nisa gained the influence after Pari Khan's death.
  • Deleted 'influential'
• "and successfully plotted her death. Pari Khan was strangled at the age of thirty." could be combined to "and engineered Pari Khan's strangulation at the age of thirty" or similar
  • Done
• "like Abdi Beg Shirazi and his Takmelat al-akhbar" would work better as "Abdi Beg Shirazi's Takmelat al-akhbar
  • Done
• "to take leadership of the ineffective Safavid court and gather hundreds of loyal followers" two things: firstly gathering hundreds of followers is not really that distinctive, and can probably be deleted; secondly "taking leadership" is understating it a bit, seems to be more "dominating".
  • Done
• " in her aunts, Pari Khan Khanum I and Mahinbanu Sultan, both daughters of Ismail I" Ismail I isn't previously mentioned, so probably best to eliminate that phrase and simply say "paternal aunts".
  • Done
• "the Safavid historian Afushta'i Natanzi deemed her" is not quite what the source says; it says "Safavid historians" and cites Natanzi, who may well have quoted other contemporary sources.
  • Changed the sentences, I think it should be good now.
• "In" is the usual word after "culminated".
  • Changed 'to' with 'into'.
• "along with" is confusing in this list, but the problem is fixed by removing the two words.
  • Deleted
• "had affairs with the wife" how do you have multiple affairs with one person?
  • Amended
• See WP:INTOTHEWOULDS for "would slander", "would go to her", "would support", and "would ask".
  • Changed all of these.
• "Until Ismail's arrival" "until" requires a verb, so "until Ismail arrived" would be better.
  • Done
• "Pari Khan expected gratitude from her brother.[23] But Ismail was disquieted by the Qizilbash's deference to Pari Khan." sentences could be combined
  • Done
• "aggressive behaviour which stemmed from Ismail's cold demeanour towards Pari Khan" not entirely clear what this means
  • This is the sentence from the source: "Isma'il ordered the murder of Sulayman Mirza, a full brother of Pari Khan Khanum, on the grounds that the prince had become belligerent because of Isma'il's aloofness toward their sister." Essentially, he wanted to defend his sister's honour, but was aggressive while doing so.
• "with poisoning being suspected by the court physician" would work better in the active voice
  • Done
• "with the bureaucrats of the realm obeying her decrees" unneeded
  • Deleted
• Best to say where the state treasury was.
  • Done
• "Shamkhal Sultan then increased the number of guards at Pari Khan's residence, which caused more animosity between the royal couple and Pari Khan" if Shamkhal Sultan was affiliated with the shah, best to outright say that. Is he the same as Shamkhal Khan, and if so, why was he murdered?
  • No, Shamkhal Sultan is her uncle (Khan being my mistake here). The increasing of her guards was not an act of affiliation towards the shah, it was the opposite.
• "When the shah and his wife were approaching the palace" unnecessary
  • Delted
• "who was awarded the title malek al-sho'ara (the poet-laurate) by her decree" clunky
  • Changed to active voice
• Is one source sufficient backing for the claim "Pari Khan Khanum is regarded in modern historiography as the most powerful woman of her era"?
  • Added a source from Oxford

A nice article, and as such my comments are restricted to prose nitpicking. ~~ AirshipJungleman29 (talk) 08:44, 14 February 2025 (UTC)[reply]

• Hi AirshipJungleman29, I was wondering if you felt in a position to either support or oppose this nomination? Obviously, neither is obligatory. Thanks. Gog the Mild (talk) 16:17, 2 March 2025 (UTC)[reply]
  • Thought I had! Support ~~ AirshipJungleman29 (talk) 16:21, 2 March 2025 (UTC)[reply]

This is a review of the prose, section by section, and suggested improvements of the content typed in green.

• Infobox:
  • Painting of a seated princess, most likely Pari Khan Khanum¹ – Should this image caption give a date, or date range, for the painting of a princess?
  • Added the date range.
  • Religion – is the religion of such historical importance that it needs mentioning in the infobox? I have no knowledge of this particular region and time, so perhaps being of Shia Islam (as opposed to other sects, for instance) is historically relevant, and I'd be content if you had a special reason for specifying the religion there. Otherwise, I would struggle not to view this as gratuitous WP:TRIVIA. (Existence of an infobox parameter is not justification for using it!)
  • I removed it; it's not a significant detail.
• Lead:
  • The prose here is of very high quality.
  • From an early age, she was well-loved by her father and was allowed to partake in the court activities – the second 'was' is a redundant verb.
  • Deleted
  • In a society that imposed harsh restrictions … gather hundreds of loyal followers. – This sentence needs no improvement, but it comes at an odd place, and I wonder if transplanting this sentence to the beginning of the paragraph would result in the whole flowing better.
    • I moved the first sentence into the top of the paragraph, is it looking better now?
• Early life:
  • caught the interest of her father – perhaps the sources say that or not, but I think 'caught the interest' is too vague. Would other wording be more encyclopedic?
    • Done
• Career
  • Ismail was Tahmasp's second son … better ally in Haydar. – this part of the paragraph jumps around a little, but some re-ordering would allow you to give a full treatment of Ismail and then one of Haydar. That would be easier to follow and less likely to confuse or require re-reading.
    • Re-ordered the paragraph
  • smear his image as a traitor – I think this has to be reworded, e.g. "smear him as a traitor" or "smear his image as being a traitor". Although the true meaning can be understood in spite, the wording strictly seems to mean that he was already a traitor.
  • Replaced
  • Mohammad Khodabanda, and Shuja al-Di – the comma should be removed.
    • Removed
  • She and the Qizilbash came to the agreement … began her second de facto reign – it would be helpful to have a date or year specified somewhere here. The coverage of this chapter of her life feels… atemporal.
    • Done
• Poetry
  • Does Haghighi need to be placed into quotation marks, particularly if italics are already being used to print the transliterations?
    • I actually think the italics should be removed as well, since Haghighi is a proper noun here.
  • was able to fulfil Pari Khan's request – is adjective "able" correct here? Perhaps closer to your intended meaning would be "answered Pari Khan's request"?
    • How about 'fulfilled'?
• Assessments and legacy
  • I am wondering whether the section title would be better just as "Legacy" but I am reluctant to interfere, as article layout and headers is a very personal editorial choice. Consider whether the shorter version is better, but don't worry if you like it as is.
    • I think for brevity we can changee it to "Legacy".

This is a fascinating and comprehensive treatment of the subject. You have also preserved through your tone and pace a certain intrigue, which is fitting for the subject. Well done! I am likely to support promotion and will confirm that later. arcticocean ■ 11:12, 14 February 2025 (UTC)[reply]

• Hi Arcticocean, I was wondering if you felt in a position to either support or oppose this nomination? Obviously, neither is obligatory. Thanks. Gog the Mild (talk) 16:19, 2 March 2025 (UTC)[reply]

  Thanks for the reminder. Support for prose (writing, comprehensiveness, NPOV, style, and article length). Arcticocean ■ 18:22, 2 March 2025 (UTC)[reply]