Talk:John Paul Jones Memorial

GA review

Passed. Viriditas (talk) 00:11, 13 May 2025 (UTC)[reply]

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

This review is transcluded from Talk:John Paul Jones Memorial/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.

Nominator: APK (talk · contribs) 05:01, 21 January 2025 (UTC)[reply]

Reviewer: Viriditas (talk · contribs) 22:18, 6 May 2025 (UTC)[reply]


GA review – see WP:WIAGA for criteria

  1. Is it well written?
    A. The prose is clear and concise, and the spelling and grammar are correct:
    Minor issues. Fixed.
    B. It complies with the manual of style guidelines for lead sections, layout, words to watch, fiction, and list incorporation:
  2. Is it verifiable with no original research, as shown by a source spot-check?
    A. It contains a list of all references (sources of information), presented in accordance with the layout style guideline:
    B. Reliable sources are cited inline. All content that could reasonably be challenged, except for plot summaries and that which summarizes cited content elsewhere in the article, must be cited no later than the end of the paragraph (or line if the content is not in prose):
    Questions about spot-check below. Fixed.
    C. It contains no original research:
    D. It contains no copyright violations nor plagiarism:
    Earwig looks good.
  3. Is it broad in its coverage?
    A. It addresses the main aspects of the topic:
    B. It stays focused on the topic without going into unnecessary detail (see summary style):
  4. Is it neutral?
    It represents viewpoints fairly and without editorial bias, giving due weight to each:
  5. Is it stable?
    It does not change significantly from day to day because of an ongoing edit war or content dispute:
    Stable
  6. Is it illustrated, if possible, by images?
    A. Images are tagged with their copyright status, and valid non-free use rationales are provided for non-free content:
    Tagged, free use
    B. Images are relevant to the topic, and have suitable captions:
    Relevant. See note about captions below. ("The stand on three side of the memorial") Fixed
  7. Overall:
    Pass or Fail:
    On hold. Very minor issues. Passed. Issues fixed.

Feedback

Infobox
Lead
  • The memorial honors John Paul Jones, the United States' first naval war hero, who received the Congressional Gold Medal after the American Revolutionary War ended.

That's fine, but I prefer "The memorial honors John Paul Jones, the United States' first naval war hero, who received the Congressional Gold Medal after the end of the American Revolutionary War." I suspect my preference is a minority view and yours is the majority view.

I don't know, it sounds like it just comes out of nowhere and surprises me as the reader. I think what you meant to say was "Jones is famous for allegedly saying "I have not yet begun to fight!" during the Battle of Flamborough Head." Maybe there is an even better way of writing this.

"He had been a seaman since the age of 13, and when war broke out with the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland, he joined the Continental Navy."

"He was soon promoted to captain and commanded his first ship, the USS Providence, followed by the USS Ranger."

"His last ship was the USS America, which he used to collect money from countries that owed debts."

It's probably fine if you add a comma after France, but something about it doesn't sit well with me. Perhaps revisit the source and rewrite it, I don't know. It just sounds weird when I read it. For me, the problem is you don't list his birth and death date after the first link to his name (1747–1792). If you had, the reader would see that he had died in 1792, which informs the idea that his grave was not discovered for more than a century. It's little things like that that I look out for, but I realize this is not popular with other editors. One other editor bit my head off when I recommended it, so there's a difference of opinion in the community as to using dates in this way.

For the sake of parsimony and economy, use the word carved once: "Decorative elements include inscriptions, along with carved eagles and dolphins used in small fountains."

Biography
  • It was during this battle that Jones allegedly told British Captain Richard Pearson a famous quote "Surrender? I have not yet begun to fight!" after his ship received heavy damage.

Replace "a" with "the" and add a colon after quote: "It was during this battle that Jones allegedly told British Captain Richard Pearson the famous quote: "Surrender? I have not yet begun to fight!" after his ship received heavy damage."

"Jones's popularity with the French resulted in his not returning to the colonies until 1781."

Memorial plans
  • After his remains were brought back to the U.S., there were immediate calls for a monument honoring the nation's first naval hero.

I think Wikipedia convention tends to spell out "United States" when it is used as a noun and "U.S." when it is used as an adjective. You will probably want to fix this elsewhere unless my understanding of the convention is wrong.

Dedication
  • The day of the dedication ceremony, April 17, 1912, was rainy, yet thousands of people stood in the rain to watch the procession and unveiling.

Try to avoid duplicating words whenever possible. We know it was rainy, which implies that these people stood in the rain. Is there a better way of writing it? I can think of several: "Inclement weather marked the dedication ceremony on April 17, 1912, yet thousands of people stood in the rain to watch the procession and unveiling." Just my take.

  •  Done APK hi :-) (talk) 06:39, 12 May 2025 (UTC)[reply]
  • Navy Secretary George von Lengerke Meyer presided over the event and spoke during the dedication introduction, followed by Reverend Charles Wood giving the invocation.

I wouldn't repeat "dedication" here. We already know we are at the dedication. My take is that "introduction" suffices.

With a capacity for over 1,000, people.

Not a fan of this wording. Many different ways to fix it. You could try something like "Horace Porter, who helped locate Jones's tomb while serving as U.S. ambassador to France, spoke next."  Done APK hi :-) (talk) 06:39, 12 May 2025 (UTC)[reply]

  • British Ambassador James Bryce, 1st Viscount Bryce, was supposed to attend the event, but in lieu of the sinking of the Titanic which had occurred two days prior, he was busy dealing with the crisis.

Get rid of "in lieu of" here as it doesn't work (in place of, instead of the sinking of the Titanic?). Replace with words of your choice (due to, in light of, etc.).

I'm not exactly sure about this, but I think in this context, Grand Marshal should be uppercase. Ignore if I'm wrong.

Okay, looking closer, it should be uppercase because it is used as a formal title; lowercase when it is not.
Later history
  • The statue is one of fourteen American Revolution Statuary that was collectively listed on the National Register of Historic Places...

"The statue is one of fourteen sculptures included in the American Revolution Statuary that were collectively listed on the National Register of Historic Places..."

Location and design

I would like to add a map here or to the infobox, but it might work better here.

It's a bit confusing not to be able to see the statue when you describe it without scrolling to the top. I wonder if you can add another image of it here.

I don't know if there's room for a map and additional photo. Do you want me to replace one of the existing two photos? APK hi :-) (talk) 06:50, 12 May 2025 (UTC)[reply]
I swapped one of the photos for a closeup of the statue. APK hi :-) (talk) 07:13, 12 May 2025 (UTC)[reply]
Notes
  • The historic landmark designation form can be found at the bottom of the linked page in pdf format.

No idea what this note refers to. Are you trying to point people to the "National Register of Historic Places Registration Form - East and West Potomac Parks Historic District"? If so, just link to it here. Not sure what the note is trying to do. Is it in the right place?

The nomination form hasn't been digitized by the NPS. It can only be seen by clicking on the DC Preservation League site, then downloading the Dropbox form. APK hi :-) (talk) 06:39, 12 May 2025 (UTC)[reply]
Welp. Ignore what I said. It's been digitized and I replaced the link. APK hi :-) (talk) 06:43, 12 May 2025 (UTC)[reply]
References

Random spot check:

External links
Images
Final checks
  • @APK: Please review these corrections I made.[1] I think you experienced some date confusion due to the history of his older brother, and that's understandable as the biographies are written in an overlapping manner making it seem like they were talking about the younger John Paul instead. I also moved the statement about the friendship of the French based on the sources you used. If you want to change it back with other sources, that's fine. Viriditas (talk) 23:50, 12 May 2025 (UTC)[reply]
The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
allikas: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Talk:John_Paul_Jones_Memorial